Claiming the Voice of Self Love

Claiming the Voice of Self Love Well ordered self-love is right and natural - St Thomas Aquinas Our capacity for self-love is one of the baselines of our existence, determining how well we take care of ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually and how we show up in our relationships and interactions with others.  Self love colours our self-expression - both inwardly and outwardly.   We can claim the power of our voices to build a healthy sense of self-love which naturally enhances and enriches our relationships and contribution to the world. Loving Self Talk Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love - Brene Brown Our self-talk is the barometer and indicator of our self-love.  Constant self-denigration and negation will show up in self-destructive behaviours such as addictions, dysfunctional relationships or disconnection from our true purpose.  Our life shifts powerfully when we lovingly care for the wounded aspects of ourselves and choose self-talk which supports us to care for ourselves and reach our higher potential.  In many traditions, we find vocal phrases, mantras and prayers dedicated to guiding us back to a healthy sense of self-love  balanced with our love for others - eg Namaste, Love Thy Neighbour As Thy Self.  Hypnotherapist Marisa Peer identifies 'I am Not Enoughness' as 'the biggest disease affecting humanity' and has dedicated January 5th as #IAmEnough Day, urging people to affirm I am Enough inwardly and outwardly to themselves.  She describes how doing this puts us in a state of balance - the middle of the see-saw - instead of feeling either More or Less Than.   I find the phrase I am that I am very helpful to remind myself that I simply am, without any need for justification or self-aggrandisement, I am simply here breathing just like every other living thing.  This peaceful state is found in the centre of every breath, in the gaps between our thoughts, in the stillness of the heart that just IS.  Practices like yoga, pilates, creative arts, exercise, martial arts, meditation, prayer etc can help bring us back into equilibrium and loving connection with ourselves.  Honouring Self Value and Values Values are like fingerprints. Nobody's are the same, but you leave 'em all over everything you do - Elvis Presley Many of us have been conditioned to prove ourselves and our value by jumping through social circus hoops.  We are taught to quantify our worth by fickle measuring sticks including our bank balance, body image, status symbols, job titles, qualifications, social media likes etc. To affirm our own inherent value is a radical stand, a refusal to play the game and instead to commit to loving who we are and what we can bring to the world. Staying connected to our values - that which we hold dear and aspire to live by - keeps us tuned to our self worth.  If you list your core values, you will see the reflection of your qualities - the kindness, love, empathy, trust, creativity, joy you wish to embody in the world. James Clear in his book Atomic Habits demonstrates that behaviour change comes from a shift in our identity - who we believe ourselves to be. For example someone who identifies as a healthy person will adopt certain habits (eg going to the gym) and drop other habits (eg smoking) which are not in alignment with this sense of themselves. When we value ourselves we are able to state and meet our needs in a clear healthy way and to respect those of others. Knowing our own values also enables us to make clear steers as we navigate life and where we draw our personal lines. Truthful Self Love Truth is by nature self-evident. As soon as you remove the cobwebs of ignorance that surround it, it shines clear. - Ghandi Having a strong sense of who we are and declaring it to ourselves and others enables us to stay aligned to our truth.  There are often many cobwebs of social conditioning to dust away which obscure our vision of ourselves.  When we notice repeated unhealthy patterns showing up in our lives it's time to get out  the duster - or in some extreme cases a blow torch! :)  Rather than blaming and shaming ourselves, we can have compassion for our woundedness and lovingly shine a light on what has obscured our clarity.   As the process of soul searching can be challenging, it's important to take support from a mentor, coach, counsellor or loving friends to witness us as we come back to ourselves.  Creative arts can also help us come back into connection with a sense of the truth of who we are at this moment in our journey.  Painting, drawing, singing, dancing, writing, playing - these are all are the voice of self-love in action.  Finding and expressing self-love becomes an adventure - not a destination - a life-long project of learning about ourselves. Self Love as Service When you show up for yourself you can show up for the world more completely - Gabi Bernstein When we commit to ourselves and to living a life anchored in our true values this naturally extends towards others.  Contrary to what many of us were taught, self-love is not selfish - it actually enables us to give, do and be more in the world.  When we top up on self-care - be that healthy sleep, diet, exercise - we give from an overflowing cup.  The truth of ourselves, when voiced and allowed to shine, can uplift, inspire and illuminate the lives of those around us.  We can embody and express our service to the world through joyful, authentic sharing of our gifts, talents, ideas, energy, enthusiasm and kindness.  Aligning with those who share our core values becomes natural.  As we claim our own voice of self-love, we become a stand for self-love in others and in the world. Wishing you a Self-Loving February!

Telling Your Story in 2019

Happy New Year!!!

Your Story in 2019 “We lose the magic whenever we stop telling our story and begin to wonder how we’re doing, if we’re selling it, if the listener likes us. Just tell the story and go on to the next one. All of us are full of stories the world might want to hear.” - Tennesee Williams   As the page turns into another New Year, a new space arises for the unfolding of our story in the world, just as the sun rises every day, giving us a fresh start.  Whilst we can't control everything that happens, as author of our story we have a starring role to play in determining what emerges on the new page of 2019.  That sounds great until all the internal and external voices come clamouring - 'Yes, but....who am I to write a book, sing a song???' To the Yes Buts, we can reply - 'Why not? - Why not me, Why not this year, Why not write this page of my story, Why not make it fun and give it a go?' Here's some reflections on the WHY, HOW, WHEN & WHERE of telling our story and making 2019 magical!  WHY Tell Your Story 1. Personal Liberation There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you - Maya Angelou Wise sayings tell us that too many people die with their stories locked inside them and when an elder dies, a whole library burns down.  Our lives are uncertain and whilst the sun rises daily we cannot take for granted how many days we will live to see it.  To live with our story burning inside us is to live a half life - numerous health, emotional and behavioural problems arise from holding ourselves hostage.  Releasing our story is a gift that can breathe life and freedom back into every aspect of our lives. As we step into the magical role of the story teller, we align ourselves with that essential witnessing part of ourselves, that has the power to untangle the knots in our web and weave a magic carpet from it. 2. Liberating Others You’re not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth. And you never know who needs your light, your warmth and raging courage. - Alex Elle As we liberate ourselves, we can open a doorway for others.  There is much in our human existence that is shared - including the most basic of our human feelings and needs - and stories help bind us together at that common, unifying level.   There will be something in your story that others can empathise with and that in turn can help liberate, uplift and inspire them. 3. Creating Magic People do not buy goods and services, they buy relations, stories and magic. - Seth Godin Stories have a magical power to transform both the teller and the listener, enabling us to reflect on life from a new vantage point.  Magic gets us off the treadmill of daily existence and leads us into a space of possibility imbued with the power to alchemise, transform and renew our world.  A story is an enchanting gift that can touch the longing for magic we all have within us. 4. Contributing to awareness What will the world miss if you don't tell your story? - Donald Miller Your story has a purpose, a big WHY that can contribute to the growth of awareness.  Staying tuned to that WHY can motivate awesome action and amazing artistry. My father, John Burden, has bravely shared his story about living with a heart condition with the national press and the British Heart Foundation to help others with similar conditions.  Your story can help the world learn and grow.   HOW To Tell Your Story  Speak from the Heart Tell your story with your whole heart - Brene Brown Telling your story requires risk and courage to share who we truly are with the world.  The stakes are high but the rewards of a life lived fully from the heart are greater.  When we speak, sing, paint, dance from the heart, we experience the joyful embodiment of our truth and those who resonate will connect with us heart to heart. Support System for Open Heartedness It's important that we build support systems around open-hearted risk-taking - the more grounded and supported we feel, the higher we can fly. Three really simple ways to support ourselves are: 1. Breathe from your belly - it's a no-brainer but we forget to do it, especially in moments of high risk. Practice tuning into your breath before and after sleep by simply placing your hand and feeling the natural rise and fall of the deep belly breath.  Then in stressful moments do the same - tune in and let yourself be supported by inspiration and released by exhalation. 2.  Practice - whatever you want to do - write a book, paint, get fit - give yourself a safe space to practice and make it a habit.  We don't do a Facebook Live when we are learning a song or going to the gym for the first time.  It's a private, safe space where we have permission to learn, explore, make mistakes and fall over.  Only supportive people are allowed in that space with you - which brings us onto... 3. Postive people - Every great Oscar speech includes "and I'd like to thank.." because no great star gets there on their own - leading lights of all industries have coaches, family and friends cheering them on.  So even if it's just the cat to begin with, form an inner circle of loyal, unconditionally loving, positive people.  These cheerleaders have got your back and will lovingly hold you accountable to your dreams, call out your demons and celebrate your wins.    WHEN & WHERE To Tell Your Story Discernment helps us navigate our story  It is time that we steered by the stars, not by the lights of each passing ship. - Omar Bradley We live in a world where for some people telling their story is literally life threatening - in many countries coming out or marrying the person you love can result in persecution, violence and death.   Truths can be silenced and people can disappear when their stories challenge social taboos.  Telling our story may risk being excluded from our social tribe and bring up very valid fears, so it's essential to discern when and where it is safe for us to share. Discernment - following the prompts of our instincts, intelligence, and intuition - steers us away from social constriction towards freedom and safe harbours where our stories can be told and heard.  There are many organisations who offer lifelines to members of the LGBTQ community fleeing persecution, women seeking refuge from oppressive relationships or addicts seeking change away from mates who are still getting high.  Discernment helps us find mediums to safely share and alchemise our story.  Nicky Nicholls, whose story has been recently told with Elizabeth Sheppard Jones in the book Not a Proper Child, found a way to transform and heal a horrific life of child abuse and homelessness through painting.   There's increasing awareness of the power of the arts to support those facing mental illness, life-changing health conditions, homelessness or addiction.  Even when people are drifting beyond life in coma, the sound of their loved ones reading or singing to them can reach them.  We can create magic in every precious moment of life. Reaching for the stars and touching hearts .... The desire to reach for the stars is ambitious, the desire to reach hearts is wise - Maya Angelou To tell our story may involve the risk of going beyond our fears, limitations or societal norms and reaching for the stars.  From there we can bring back magic to enrich and widen the world.  By speaking from the heart, you will also reach hearts that are longing to hear you. May your story be lived, sung and spoken fully from the heart this New Year. I look forward to hearing and singing with you!